Granddad Clark

Granddad – My Special Friend

I was living in the UK doing my OE when my Granddad started doing strange things, things like walking off in a daydream not knowing where he was or even who he was, let alone where he lived. It was a sad fact that he was starting to suffer from Alzheimer’s, a horrible disease a bit like dementia and I believe it’s not openly diagnosed or recognised until it’s in the quite late stages. Bit too late by then for most people …….

It was very hard being in another country and listening to family talk about what was going on and how he was suffering, and how my Nan was managing to keep her chin up and herself going (I have no idea how she coped but she did), and then eventually having to accept the fact that she could not deal with it, or Granddad any more. Heartbreakingly, having to put him into a home – luckily very close to her for as long as possible, until the Alzheimer’s had advanced so much even they could not cope with him (lacking in facilities), and more heartache in having to put in a home which was around 45mins drive away – good for Granddad though as he had 24 hour round the clock care which he needed. Hard for Nan as she no longer drove and had to rely on other people to drive her to and fro once a week to visit her handsome husband ……

Both my Mum’s parents meant the world to me, they were like surrogate parents really, especially Granddad as he took on a “fatherly” role to me after my parents split when I was around 4 years old. They say family splits don’t affect the kids – how wrong is that. I’m just grateful that my Mum was so close to her parents, and they were such wonderful supportive people to her.

In 1997 I had plans to come home to NZ for Xmas, knowing that it was highly likely the last time I would see my Grandfather alive. My family kindly omitted to tell me how bad he had got … mainly to protect me and not to scaremonger me either. Anyway, I was scheduled to arrive home early in December and time was racing away, December getting closer and closer …… getting excited about coming home. I think it was the 11th December when I eventually left the UK bound for NZ, and arrived on the 12th 24 hours later …. Totally shattered and jetlagged, got off the plane, collect my duty free (couldn’t miss that!) and baggage then finally through the baggage hall and customs, was duly greeted by Mum and I think my sister was there too.



After loading up mum’s car and cruising back to her house (locally thank goodness), they gave me the news that Granddad had had a turn and was in quite bad shape. I decided then and there to have a shower, get changed and go straight to see him …. After 3 or so hours our car journey ended, we finally made it to the home he was based at in Taupo …. My Nan pulled me aside and whispered in my ear “he’s not the man you left behind”, my reply … “I don’t care, he’s still my Granddad and I want to see him”

What happened next was really weird. Granddad’s vegetative state was a little bit of a shock but I kind of expected it, still a shock though, but I’d also been told he wouldn’t know me from a bar of soap …. HA! So wrong! I stood at his bed, held his hand, and said “hello Granddad, it’s Sam, I’ve come to see you, it’s okay now, I’m here”. He broke out in a sweat, and I could feel him shaking, and I saw his lips try to move, he knew I was there, I could sense it. I could feel his heart racing. It was a sensation that I’ll take to my grave with me, it’s something that I think of often, it brings a smile to my face, as well as tears, to know that he knew that I was there. I let go of his hand, and Nan went to hold his hand and talk to him.

After having a big sob and talking to both Mum and Nan I went back for another chat with Granddad before we left. I remember leaning over him and giving him a cuddle and telling him I loved him. My parting whispered comment to him was “its okay now Granddad, you can let go, you’re safe now, we all love you, you can go now, you can let go” and then gave him a kiss and walked out. That night we all stayed at Nan’s house in Mangakino, and in the morning Mum and I drove back to Auckland. We’d literally been in the house for ten minutes and Nan rang, “he’s gone” she said, “He’s gone”. At that moment, I knew that he had waited for me to come home to him, call it a gut instinct, woman’s intuition or whatever, but in my heart I know that he waited for my to come home and say goodbye. He was a special man and touched lots of lives, especially mine.

My final two comments, firstly - Granddad's favourite number was 13, he died on the 13th December, and secondly - although an english gentleman born and bred, he loved the hot NZ days, the day of his funeral was a scorcher - what a send off for a gentleman.

Goodbye Granddad, rest now, lots of love, Sam xox

Grandparents and Grandparenting

Keeping Grandparents involved in our children’s lives

Sometimes we are not able to live as nearby to our families as we should like, and no matter how many miles and/or countries separate us, having grandparents involved in a child’s life is very important. Grandparents can spoil them, love them unconditionally and teach them about life in general and even teach them about their family history.

For me personally, my grandparents became like surrogate parents and they were a big part of being propped up and led in the right direction when our family separated.

Grandparents who do not live close by can still maintain a close relationship with their grandchildren with a little imagination and time. Use simple methods to keep in touch, use the telephone as and when you can afford it, send lots of photo’s, drawings and craftwork so that they can keep up with milestones happening, use email/internet services if that is viable, there are a lot of grandparents out there that are actually “internet savvy”, but if not send them in the mail instead.

If they are “internet savvy” then invest in a web camera for your computer so children can and talk to grandparents often. This is a great thing to have and lets both the grandparents and grandchildren see what is happening “first hand” and can often work out more financially viable than using the telephone.

Perhaps the grandparents may be able to tape record or video tape themselves reading a bedtime story, singing a lullaby or telling a funny, popular story – children love to listen to stories again and again.

Let your kids create a “scrapbook” for their grandparents, this can include photo’s, artwork or even “diary entries” if the children are able – it doesn’t have to be for a particular reason – just to be able for them to relate to their grandparents and their grandparents to them.

Grandparents are able to provide parents with very valued lessons. These lessons need not be complicated, nor do they have to be as boring as making sure your grandchildren read as requested by their parents. These are lesson of love, of involvement, of happy expressions, of laughter, of simple walks through forest expressing an appreciation of all things in nature. These are examples of human kindness, a smile, a handshake, a hobby shared, or that apple pie that little hands made even through covered in flour much more than needed.
Let us not forget the special contribution and gift given to grandparents from adoring grandchildren, that special smile, the cheeky glee in their eyes, or that warm hug as they greet you, or even that grin from cheek to cheek when you grab their hand and go off to get an ice cream, or that escort to their first merry-go-around ride. All those little cries for joy, even those little scrapes made better with a loving caress or soothing and comforting word all lend more intimacy and vitality to a grandparent’s life.

The warmth and forever memorable good times experienced by your children with their grandparents can seal their fondest memories all through childhood and to their own time as grandparents. These memories remain as a true testament to family and their value through generations.